Unpacking my daughter's daycare bag the other day I discovered a piece of paper with a list of names: "Valentine's" - it is a list of the proper spelling of the names of each kid she goes to daycare with. Just having gone through this whole "Santa at daycare" thing, my gut response is along the lines of, "what the eff... another damn holiday we're forced to participate in?" I glance at my calendar and I see we have a "holiday" popping up every few weeks: Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter... none of which we really celebrate in our home. Here I am again faced with my daughter being in a daycare that does indeed celebrate these holidays.
What do I do?
Well, it's Sunday morning and here I am making pink play dough and preparing little heart gift boxes for each of those snotty little brats. (What? I'm feeling like my fifteen year old self, angsty and high-falutin.)
While I stir the playdough, this is what's going through my mind:
"This is bullshit."
"Why am I doing this because someone told me, 'it's what you do'?"
"This is a holiday created so people will buy more; it's a sales gimmick. Do I really want to support this?"
"Well, I do aspire to be a DIY mom and since I suck royally at it, this is giving me an opportunity to do something crafty."
"Look how pretty that bubblegum pink turned out!"
"Maybe holidays aren't so horrible"
"Oh gods, did that thought process really just happen?"
Hmmm, so maybe it's not the holiday itself that pisses me off. Maybe it's just the expectation and assumption?
This is me being torn in two. This seems to be something that happens to me during every single holiday marked on our calendar except for Halloween. That one makes sense to me. There is an assumption that because we live in the Western World we're climbing over each other to decorate for, bake for, make for, and spend more for various holidays.
We are told we are supposed to do these things. So, shouldn't we? Shouldn't my partner stroll in the door this Thursday armed with a dozen red roses and a piece of glorious jewellery? Shouldn't he make reservations at our favourite restaurant and spend a week's worth of groceries on one meal? Or better yet, attempt to cook in my stead and insult my taste buds? (no offence honey - but we both know how good your cooking is *smooch*) It is after all the FOURTEENTH!
I, personally, want to celebrate love every day.
I think that if a family wants to participate in these rituals it should be up to them rather than being told by an institution that they have to do it. I do on the other hand understand we live in the western world and this is how daycare and schools get by - having a theme to focus on. Hell, it's how many adults get by - looking forward to one holiday or another. While I would LOVE for there to be more themes that focus on the earth, the arts and how to grow our children into magnificent people, I realize that I can't control the activities that are going to come up in celebration of these holidays. I can control how we choose to participate in them.
So, rather than buy a box of (insert the name of latest trendy kids show character) cards and simply fill them out with the names of the other toddlers in her daycare - proper spelling and all - we're making playdough and passing on the recipe for the other parents. Yes, it even has a cute little saying...
It's still a cheesy valentine but what do you do?
If you're me, you cave and you play nice and vow that as she gets older to educate her on the actual history of these rituals and holidays. To teach her she can celebrate them if she chooses and how she wants to.
I figure it's up to us as parents to ensure she knows of the celebrations that come from her ancestors that might not get celebrated at daycare and school. How many schools do you know that do crafts for Purim or Imbolc?
Most importantly, it's up to us to teach her how to love every day. Not because we're told to, but because we feel it in our hearts. Even if it is like putty in her hand.
Call me a Santa hater, a Grinch, a Scrooge... but I don't want my daughter to meet Santa.
There I said it.
I am surprised at how much I'm struggling with knowing that today at daycare, my daughter is going to have someone dressed up as a creepy old dude hand her a random something that she doesn't need.
I honestly don't know what it is exactly that has be so bothered by this. I just know that I am. Is it because we're perpetuating the myth of Santa? Encouraging the commercialism of the holiday season? That I don't want someone passing along a tradition to my daughter that doesn't fit into my own personal belief system?
It's not that we don't "celebrate Christmas," we just don't really celebrate it as most North Americans do. And it's not that I hate Christmas and everything associated with it. While I've chosen to celebrate the Winter Solstice, rather than the Christian holiday of Christmas, I'm still a huge fan of one gift being exchanged between two loved ones because you want to honor the light within them. I love sitting around a table with family and friends, sharing food and wine to celebrate the days getting longer. I even enjoy cedar and holy decorating the mantle with candles burning. I can handle and even like a few holiday/winter songs.
This is my Yule.
My partner is impartial. He grew up celebrating both Christmas and Channukah but hates the commercialism of Christmas and has chosen not to participate in Jewish religious traditions as an adult. He also has no desire to celebrate the seasons and participate in a Solstice celebration, although won't object to me doing so with Penelope on my own.I respect and admire him for this as it's not easy to separate yourself from the traditions you grew up with, and to not be pressured into celebrating what you're partner does. But we don't just have a baby, we now have a toddler and it's impossible to simply ignore this time of year. So, it's up to us to create our traditions.
This poses the question - how in the world do we celebrate?
This looks fun:
A celebration of dance? I know that I don't want it to be a celebration of 'stuff'. I'm more inclined to give gifts on birthdays, when you're celebrating the actual person who is on the receiving end. I know I don't want it to be about lying to my kids that there is a guy from the North Pole breaking into our house once a year to bring toys. I want to share with her the North American myth of Santa and the correlations with Norse mythology. Hell, I even want her to learn of Krampus, the anti-Santa who punishes bad children during the Yule season and hauls him away in his sack. I want to decorate the house in holy and wake up to toast the sun on Yule, I want to share these stories and traditions from around the world and dance to silly songs with my girl. I don't want our celebration to be about lies and what she gets. When we live in a society who witnesses a man being arrested for telling children the truth, that Santa isn't real, how is this possible?
When I shared my reservations of letting our little girl participate in the Christmas celebrations at daycare, my partner replied "she's a baby, it doesn't matter." While another person I confided in remarked, "Just let her go along with it, she'll feel left out..."
This could possibly be a big part of what's wrong with our society? That we all just go along with it. What if ... WHAT IF we all gave up on the Santa myth? The lying, the good vs. bad with coal and gifts story, the mass commercialism and mounds of debt acquired this time of year, and just celebrated each other, the sun or Christ or whatever/whoever you worship and remember our image of Santa Claus was indeed taken from images of old Pagan gods, but mostly from a Coca Cola campaign.
