Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Stretch marks have texture!?!

When I got pregnant I was aware that I would be subjecting my body to a lot of changes. I knew I would gain weight and I'd have to deal with my organs readjusting as the baby grew. I accepted the back pain, and looked forward to the bigger boobs*. I even expected the stretch marks, so I was surprised when I didn't get any.

Now, before you start screaming at your monitor calling me horrible names because I was blessed to have a beautiful baby body, please know this didn't last. I'm into my 33rd week, and it wasn't until a coworker made a comment about a week ago that I gave the marks much thought. She asked to see my belly and after said, "wow, you lucky bitch... you're not even going to have any stretch marks" and that did it.

I think she cursed me. As in "entrails, eye of newt, toe of frog, double, double toil and trouble; fire burn, and cauldron bubble" kind of curse.

Two days later as I lay on my esthetician's table for my waxing session (what? it's not like I can see down there to groom right now; someone's gotta do it) she informs my ignorant self that I am finally getting a few stretch marks.


I have been slathering the shea butter on my growing belly every day, but apparently that doesn't help. You still get 'em. I'm open to suggestions as to how to make them fade after bebe though.

I find that I have gone from enjoying my day stretch-mark-thought-free to standing in front of the mirror and watching in horror as they grow. Not across my lower stomach but upwards, like tree roots in reverse. Then yesterday my prayers of "please let them stay below my belly button" are interrupted as I notice... they have texture. Texture!?!?! As in raised higher than my skin like big ol' varicose veins. Oi.

This I was not prepared for.

* as a woman who has gone into her 30s seriously lacking in the bosom department, the baby boobs are a total perk to pregnancy; they're so much fun... no wonder J likes 'em so much! Just sayin'.

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