Learning to love the new me....

A lot of you have asked why I haven't blogged for a little bit, and the answer isn't, "I've been busy with the baby" but, "I've been spending some time with myself". I am constantly working on me. Trying to improve my attitude, working on my ability to see situations from multiple perspectives, and recognizing and dealing with my issues rather than project them onto other areas of my life. It's a never ending learning process and it helps me be the person I want to be. Just because I had a baby, doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking within; I'm hoping this will allow me to be the mom I dream of being.

Over the last little while I've been actively working on learning to love me. Somewhere between "oh shit, I'm pregnant" and "hang on, Penelope needs boob", I acquired a couple curves. So, I should say I've also been actively working on learning to love my new body. Sorry to those of you itching for a new Penelope blog, this one's about Mama. 

Finding a balance between mamahood and all the things I love to do is difficult some days, but not impossible by any means. I'm a mom. But I'm also a partner, a radio host, a lover, a painter, a yoga enthusiast, a sister, a daughter... you get the drift; I'm not self identifying as a mother alone.  

I'm also a belly dancer (who is still very much in the learning stages). I was asked to participate in a cabaret show this past weekend and at first I thought hellll no, I'm not good enough to solo in front of people, I'm not back to my pre baby body, I'm not... I'm not... I'm not... Then I realized I was being ridiculous. I decided to try to turn those negative thoughts around in my head to what I am! 

So, I put my ego and insecurity aside and teamed up with my favorite body painter Shelley to create something spectacular for a circus themed puppet cabaret show: a snake lady. 

And really, what better way than dancing in front of 200 people in nothing but paint to a) stop taking myself so seriously, b) try to let go of being in control of everything and c) fall in love with, and be comfortable in, my new body. I figured if the dance wasn't A+ at least we'd have fun painting, get some great shots for the portfolio (thanks to Josh Lyon), and I could tackle all of the above.  

Everything that could go "wrong" did. I cried through the process of creating the costume - sewing slinky fabric is like trying to walk a straight line after 6 shots of tequila; the air brush machine didn't work the first night; the paint came off certain parts of my body before I hit the stage; and having Penelope in the audience for a show caused my breasts to engorge so much I thought the nipple covers were going to come off.

I (and I'm sure Shelley as well) got confirmation that everything happens for a reason, and that we can control nothing but our attitudes.

In doing the show, ego turned to self confidence, insecurity to self awareness and control to whimsical frivolity.