Bat Shit Crazy!

So it hit. The inevitable post partum crazy. There I said it. I'm bonafide bat shit crazy and I have only my hormones to blame.

It all started after I welcomed my cycle back only a month after I had Penelope. Good ol' Aunt Flo was back with a vengeance. What, was she pissed off for getting left out in the cold for 9 months? It was as if she came back with regularly scheduled visits so soon just out of spite. And as if she were ensuring it didn't happen again, she invited a guest to join her a few months ago who was angry, sad, self entitled and impatient. Yup, it was her closest sister - No, no not Mom - the other one. Let's call her Aunt Psycho.

Shark Week 3 months in a row!? How did we get so lucky? 

But, this month those two days turned into 4. That crazy lady was stickin' around... this was new. It actually got to the point one day where Baby Daddy left for work and as soon as I heard the front door latch my heart dropped into my stomach.

I felt like someone had dropped a piano on me. An I'm-all-alone-for-next-eight-hours-without-any-help-piano.

I decided then that I would 1. refuse to continue down this path, because frankly I don't like this kind of crazy 2. get the hell out of the way of the piano and leave the house to enjoy the sunshine and 3. do something I hadn't done before.

First, I made a phone call:

Me: I'd like to make an appointment with the naturopath as a new patient
Receptionist: and what is your main concern?
Me: I think I'm going bat shit crazy
Receptionist: ummmm
Me: I had a baby 6 months ago
Receptionist: ahhhhh
Me: so tomorrow?

After that awkward phone conversation, I had my appointment with someone to get a handle on the post partum hormones.

Then I thought I'd check out a mama & babe group that I hadn't been to before, maybe I'd meet some new people who I could relate to. Maybe I'd just get my ass out of the house. So I walked the half hour there, and it was LOVELY outside. Penelope watched the trees and clouds with silent awe and I got to breathe delicious fresh air. The crying finally stopped as we got there and I was so delighted to discover that week's topic: Post Partum Relationships! And who was it hosted by? The people who run the clinic where I had just made a naturopath appointment! Spell it out with me now - give me a - K.I.S.M.E.T.

Sitting around and listening to 4 other beautiful, strong mothers talk about similar feelings, and looking for the same sort of support was further confirmation that even though I was feeling lonely, I definitely was NOT alone. I realized that sometimes I suffer from head in butt syndrome. Sometimes people won't get what I'm going through and sometimes, I'm just bat shit crazy - but sometimes, that's okay.