Mistakes

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” 

--Neil Gaiman

Hear that Mamas? Papas? Parents to be? This quote sparks so much emotion, determination and motivation in me, and on many different levels. It is the epitome of inspiration: a mistake. Think of all the remarkable things you have done in your life after you've made a mistake. Now imagine if we put that determination to doing amazing things after making a mistake with our children rather than beat ourselves up; rather than live in the shadow of this fear that we'll do it again. OF COURSE we're going to do it again. Hopefully not the same mistakes, but mistakes all the same. 

So, what if we applied Gaiman's quote to parenting in 2014. Are we going to make mistakes? I sure as hell hope so! Why? because they help us grow as people and as parents. They are the fuel that will help us to become the guide and mentor we aspire to be, and to provide for our children one day. I say let's make them with childhood wonder, take a lesson from every single one of them and experience what comes from the mistakes.

Happy New Year my Lovelies.

The unexpected that will make your whole day...

As I begin to recover from from a serious bout of pneumonia, I'm also learning how to be with a toddler again. Between grandparents taking her for days on end and the last few evenings spent as "family time", today was the first day in a week and a half that it was just me and my girl. 

I won't lie. I was nervous when I got out of bed this morning. Would I have enough energy to keep up with her? Will I have the patience to deal with her tantrums and fussy food choices? Will I get a break today from the punching and kicking (our home has now become a zero tolerance household for hitting)?

After a morning of sitting on the kitchen floor sharing "tea", laughing at the breakfast table and dancing to the radio, my sweet and thoughtful girl - who was full of smiles and giggles - and I went for a bike ride. 

I'm not sure if it was the cool air, the joy of being on the bicycle, or just the right amount of caffeine, but we swung, slid, and ran around in circles until our noses were red. 

Wanting to keep those caffeine levels up, I grabbed a coffee and another "tea" for P - it's water in a take out cup in case you were wondering) before we headed back home. We sipped our beverages while strolling along window shopping. Turns out my daughter doesn't mind shopping, or strolling. 

And THIS was when the most amazing thing happened. As Penelope and I are having a conversation about why she has to wait until we got home to eat lunch and I was unlocking ma bicyclette, I noticed this man sitting on the patio of the cafe - just looking at us. Seriously, just staring. 

He met my eyes, smiled and said, "You are a great mother!" Followed by an exceptionally stunned expression in which he was obviously surprised that he had blurted out the words. He then said pointing to the bike chariot, "I can just tell. You - You're a great mother."

To which I responded, "Thank you kind sir - you just made my whole day!"

I've been on the receiving end of harsh criticism from strangers who feel they know what's best for your child (it's a strange phenomenon we are all victim to, much like the horrible birth stories we hear from strangers while we're pregnant) I've never received such a compliment and biking home I couldn't help but marvel at how one sentence of kindness could erase the residual negativity that tends to get left behind after your parenting in public is judged. 

Lesson: Some days, NOTHING is as you expect it will be, and almost always it will be better.

Welcome to the Terrible Twos

When we struggled with how to handle our daughter’s biting/hitting/kicking/pinching/slapping, a lot of people – friends and strangers alike – tended to comment the same way, “oh, wait until she hits those terrible twos” and smile sweetly as if they know terrible secrets of what’s to come.

Well, here we are. The second birthday has passed. My suit of armour is shined and I’m ready for battle. Let’s be honest, the tantrums have been happening for a while and the comments have been happening even longer. While we tend to think, “people just like to give advice,” I’m starting to think people simply like to add another to their circle of misery. What’s that they say about it enjoying company?

I’m not quite sure where the incessant need to crap on someone’s parade comes from, rather than offer solutions or introduce other parents to tactics that might encourage her to be more gentle. Is it like this all over the globe? Or is this a horrible first world problem that just needs to stop?

Mama drama, competitive playgroups and partner and MIL bitching sessions aside, I want to know why people insist on pointing out how much worse it’s going to get! 

Telling me today that my daughter’s massive, epic shit storm is nothing in comparison of what’s to come isn’t going to make me feel better about having to deal with today.

Is it because they feel the responsibility to warn parents that the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan? Do they feel that because they had to endure it, now it’s their turn to sit on higher ground watching someone else go through it?

So here’s a thought... all the parents who now have young toddlers, let’s take a vow to refrain from telling new moms it’s going to get worse. Let’s instead offer encouragement. I’m not talking about blowing smoke and making things seem all rosy - always be REAL! But, hey teething sucks, growing pains are tough, brain development is happening at a rapid pace and we already know these are going to be hard years ahead. How about we tell our friend, or that stranger in the park who is on the verge of tears because her kid just bit her, ran away and is climbing on top of the four year old by the slide and simply won’t listen to her, that she is an INCREDIBLE MOM and offer to help!

I want people in my life who make a choice to help each other through the tantrums with funny tales, who will be there through the breakdowns with a hug – because tears flow after you’ve been kicked in the nose for the fourth time that day – or bring coffee (or even better, wine) to parents who have had especially long, difficult days. My favorite: show up at their doorstep unannounced when you know they’ve had a sleepless night and offer to take the kid for a walk so they can nap, or read, or sit in a tub with a glass of wine. Yes, you are seeing a trend – every mama needs wine!

Let’s come together to make the twos (and from what I’m hearing now... threes) a little more bearable. 

What have you done to help out a new parent with a crazy toddler?

Valentine's Day - to play or not to play?

Unpacking my daughter's daycare bag the other day I discovered a piece of paper with a list of names: "Valentine's" - it is a list of the proper spelling of the names of each kid she goes to daycare with. Just having gone through this whole "Santa at daycare" thing, my gut response  is along the lines of, "what the eff... another damn holiday we're forced to participate in?" I glance at my calendar and I see we have a "holiday" popping up every few weeks: Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter... none of which we really celebrate in our home. Here I am again faced with my daughter being in a daycare that does indeed celebrate these holidays. 

What do I do? 

Well, it's Sunday morning and here I am making pink play dough and preparing little heart gift boxes for each of those snotty little brats. (What? I'm feeling like my fifteen year old self, angsty and high-falutin.)

While I stir the playdough, this is what's going through my mind:

"This is bullshit."

"Why am I doing this because someone told me, 'it's what you do'?"

"This is a holiday created so people will buy more; it's a sales gimmick. Do I really want to support this?"

"Well, I do aspire to be a DIY mom and since I suck royally at it, this is giving me an opportunity to do something crafty."

"Look how pretty that bubblegum pink turned out!"

"Maybe holidays aren't so horrible"

"Oh gods, did that thought process really just happen?" 

Hmmm, so maybe it's not the holiday itself that pisses me off. Maybe it's just the expectation and assumption?

This is me being torn in two. This seems to be something that happens to me during every single holiday marked on our calendar except for Halloween. That one makes sense to me. There is an assumption that because we live in the Western World we're climbing over each other to decorate for, bake for, make for, and spend more for various holidays. 

We are told we are supposed to do these things. So, shouldn't we? Shouldn't my partner stroll in the door this Thursday armed with a dozen red roses and a piece of glorious jewellery? Shouldn't he make reservations at our favourite restaurant and spend a week's worth of groceries on one meal? Or better yet, attempt to cook in my stead and insult my taste buds? (no offence honey - but we both know how good your cooking is *smooch*) It is after all the FOURTEENTH!

I, personally, want to celebrate love every day. 

I think that if a family wants to participate in these rituals it should be up to them rather than being told by an institution that they have to do it. I do on the other hand understand we live in the western world and this is how daycare and schools get by - having a theme to focus on. Hell, it's how many adults get by - looking forward to one holiday or another. While I would LOVE for there to be more themes that focus on the earth, the arts and how to grow our children into magnificent people, I realize that I can't control the activities that are going to come up in celebration of these holidays. I can control how we choose to participate in them. 

So, rather than buy a box of (insert the name of latest trendy kids show character) cards and simply fill them out with the names of the other toddlers in her daycare - proper spelling and all - we're making playdough and passing on the recipe for the other parents. Yes, it even has a cute little saying...



It's still a cheesy valentine but what do you do? 

If you're me, you cave and you play nice and vow that as she gets older to educate her on the actual history of these rituals and holidays. To teach her she can celebrate them if she chooses and how she wants to.

I figure it's up to us as parents to ensure she knows of the celebrations that come from her ancestors that might not get celebrated at daycare and school. How many schools do you know that do crafts for Purim or Imbolc? 

Most importantly, it's up to us to teach her how to love every day. Not because we're told to, but because we feel it in our hearts. Even if it is like putty in her hand. 

A toddler's favorite word

A toddler's favorite word:

no

¹  [noh] adverb, adjective, noun, plural noes, nos, verb.

adverb

1.

(a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request) Often delivered by those between the ages of 18 months and 18 years.

noun

2.

an utterance of the word “no.” usually by small children to drive their parents crazy.

3.

a denial or refusal: He responded with a definite no. Most often said by a child who doesn't want to do something their parent(s) have suggested, and often repeated in sequence by children in their toddler years.

verb (used with object)

4.

to reject, refuse approval, or express disapproval of/to express disapproval, generally towards the suggestion of ones parents.

The internet is such a valuable source for information. And by internet, I mean you being on it... I am calling for your tips on how YOU deal with the allusive temper tantrum. How do you deal with these insanely fussy moments and the illustrious NO?

Balance and the death of a DJ

It's said the way you spend your New Year's Eve is how you'll spend the next year. Last year, I welcomed 2012 surrounded by friends, dancing more in one night than I had in the months leading up to it, and ingesting a substantial amount of alcohol. It was my first party night sans bebe. Just after midnight, a friend of mine and I made our way back to our significant others for kisses and the reminder that even though we have families, we're still able to tear up a dance floor. It was a night of struggling to find a balance between the two. 

2012 was a year of finding balance within. 

I learned how to set boundaries for myself and for those in my life. I traveled to Europe with a baby on my back and reaffirmed that I'm capable of anything. The most important thing I learned was to listen to myself. To let go of fear and follow my own path. Not the path I began a journey down when I was 18 but the one I am meant to be on now. I left radio after 15 years. And I started writing again.

Leaving my career has been the most pivotal change I have made in my life, next to deciding to have a child. I walked away from the first thing I was ever truly passionate about. Because I wasn't passionate anymore. So many factors came into play when deciding to shift my life so drastically. I won't bore you with a long list of reasons. Just know I don't regret it for a moment. Although, I do really miss the dental. 

While I continue to feed new passions, I am learning that there is so much more to me than being the radio chick; the girl with the "easy job" (if people only knew). Just as 2012 was about ensuring I was self identifying as more than just a new mom, 2013 will see me embracing the death of a DJ and the discovery of my authentic self. 

2012 was an incredibly challenging year for me and I don't anticipate this year to be any less so, as I continue to shift, change, evolve and develop into the amazing and passionate woman I know I'm capable of being.

Much like last year, we rang in 2013 with a combination of family, toddler friendly events, music, fizzy drinks and laughter with friends. Although finding a balance wasn't quite the struggle it had been a year prior. Here's to peace within, embracing change and accepting the challenges which will inevitably allow us to grow.

Happy New Year!

(Almost) First Steps

At first I thought "squeeeee!" when my little girl took her first step. She stood up, arms outstretched, tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth, and steadied herself. The look on her face said "holy shit Mama! I can do this WITHOUT holding your hands!" It was a look of wonderment laced with mischief and crossed with determination. I'm in for a world of trouble with this newly almost toddling girl.

It was the second time she rose to standing that she decided to take it one step further (sorry, I'm a sucker for puns) and placed right foot in front of left, or was it left then right? I was too busy paying attention to the fact that my daughter was trying to WALK! I'm calling them the "almost first steps".

Since that video, she's worked up to 3 or 4 steps...

WALKIING!?!?! So exciting...

Wait. No. No it's not. 

I mean, yes it's exciting to see her develop and realize she can do something on her own without me. I know most people would insert a little sniffle here, about how their little girl is growing up so fast. My sniffle is for a selfish reason, I don't want her to walk. I want her to be as immobile for as long as possible. What? It's nice to be able to run down stairs and change the laundry over when she's playing in the living room.  She's pretty quick at crawling. Walking will lead to running and I don't know that I'm quite ready for that. Plus, walking leads to her standing more often, which means she's going to be able to reach the surfaces of everything. It's only a matter of time before she figures out the latch on the baby gate or learns to climb over it!

And then what happens?



Okay, it might have it's perks ;) 

Natural School/Art Supplies

We are blessed to live in a community where local produce is abundant, many people are upcycling and recycling, and many of our neighbours are embracing a more sustainable lifestyle. Once kids come along it becomes harder to live a sustainable life style... but it doesn’t have to be. This series of articles is an opportunity for me to present topics from a “green” and natural perspective (without being preachy).

This is simply what happens when we strip back the labels, the expectations, and take away the commercialism to ponder parenting, sustainably. 

  ~

“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” --- Daniel J. Boorstin

Heading back to school was always such an incredible time for me. Not only did I get to see my friends again after a long summer, but all the kids also got new clothes and school supplies. Or, in my case, new to me school supplies. I was always the kid who wanted the bright funky binders and multicolored pens and markers. I never got them. I was given short pencils found around the house. You know the ones that have half the erasers chewed off the ends? Those would be the ones. And having siblings much older than me, I was loaded up with the binders my brothers used before me. I seem to recall their main use was for hiding hockey cards and letters from girls from my step mom.

I didn’t understand my parents’ need to recycle school supplies until I was much older. It wasn’t just about saving money, but also about reducing waste. And now that I’m a mother, I realize that I’m learning things I didn’t realize I needed to learn. Like how many pencils are produced each year, how much paper that’s collected actually gets recycled back into paper products. I’m not going to spout off a list of stats for you, check out Canadian Industry Statistics if you’re interested.

I’m simply saying that there is a huge responsibility, as a parent, to maintain or reduce our carbon footprints, despite the fact that we are now a couple, plus one or two. Or in the case of you crazy ambitious parents out there, 3, 4 or 5. But it’s not always possible to do the second hand thing. So while you can shop at vintage shops and consignment stores for fall outfits, you can’t always get everything we need for back to school second hand. 

We’re lucky to live in a city that has a few different stores that you can purchase environmentally friendly school supplies. And they are out there. When you take into account that you’re buying new items every year, why not just spend a little more for quality eco friendly items, which will last you longer? And then, once your child is done with them, leave a little less in our landfills. Like this awesome "Go Green Lunch Box" from Go Green Baby.

I’m lucky my daughter is only one and I don’t have to worry about school supplies just yet. But I do have to consciously make a choice about the materials I’m using for her early education. Things like finger paints, crayons, play dough, sketch pads and books. And if you ask around town you’ll find there are people right here in the Limestone City who make some of these items! I’m finding all kinds of DIY projects that are sustainable and might just be more fun than the pre packaged options. Colour me happy!

The Clementine Crayon Rocks are one of my favorite finds, you can grab them at The Rocking Horse. And the Botanical Paints from P'Lovers are really beautiful too. Especially when you think about how much paint your child is going to eat. (These and other brands of natural crayons, paints and pencil crayons are available at Go Green Baby too)

These are a few of my favorite finds around town, and I know there are other stores that carry great eco-friendly products so feel free to share what you've found! There are so many other amazing products. I’m hearing a lot of my friends, with school aged children, getting especially excited about the pencil crayons made from recycled newspapers, the eco friendly binders and the pencils made from used CD cases. What's the greatest product you've discovered?

My twitch is broken...

It's really, really hard sometimes to do what needs to be done. Some days you look at the basket of laundry, the counter full of dishes, the other basket of laundry and the recycle bin that's been dumped out on the floor and just say, "fuck it". 

Then you sit down with a glass of (insert guilty pleasure here) and sulk that you're not out riding your bike to the beach with your friends. You could be, but now that you've taken in the disaster that is your house you feel far too guilty leaving it. Especially since you've done nothing lately to contribute to the household duties. And this realization hits while your significant other is doing the dishes. Leaving to get some air, or jump in a lake, just isn't going to cut it.

I'm not sure if you're like me, but since I am the master of sulking - otherwise known as procrastinating., instead of helping, I'm drinking a glass of wine and writing while looking at the paper scattered in the entry way and the toys that litter the living room floor. I'm seriously getting frustrated that my Bewitched powers aren't working. I'M TWITCHING MY NOSE OVER HERE! HELLO???? WITCHY MAGIC POWERS?

Nothing.

Fucking television. This is how Samantha cleaned her house. WTH!? Even my laser vision isn't making things simply incinerate. *sigh

Maybe I could just get a garbage bag and throw everything out. Nah, that would also require getting up and let's face it, it's been a shitty week. I won't lie. I want to sit here and feel sorry for myself for 20 minutes while watching Nurse Jackie. There's nothing like a pill popping, pathological lying, cheating nurse - who is also mom of 2 to a hypochondriac and her younger sibling the pyromaniac - to make you feel better about your own tiny bullshit problems. (Seriously, it'll put things into perspective).

See? MASTER of justification and procrastination.

I have a problem.

In the last couple weeks since I went back to work, J has been picking up the slack. Tremendously. He's doing dishes, and bathing P. He's taking her to daycare and helping put her down at night. He's Mr. Mom. And he's amazing at it. I found myself thinking this morning, "Is there anything that I'M doing?"

Okay, sure there is but let's face it, Penelope is a baby, she's pretty simple. She eats, she poops, she sleeps and now she crawls, creeps and climbs. There's a lot of chasing happening but she's not driving me too crazy thanks to the daily break while I'm at work and she's at daycare. Sure, I entertain Penelope for a couple hours after work. Sometimes she laughs with me, sometimes she clings, sometimes she gives me hugs and kisses. Overall we seem to be doing okay together.

And yeah, I cook. Sometimes. But I`ll be honest, that feels like a break and like I`m getting time to myself most days. I totally feel like I'm sucking the big time right now as a partner. I'm feeling a little guilty. At least I put out a lot. Would more blowjobs make up for not weeding the garden?

Am I the only new mom who feels like they are kind of rocking the mama thing, but mostly because the house cleaning gets ignored and because Baby Daddy is so helpful?